December 14, 2011
Following the news yesterday that Olympic cyclist Sir Chris Hoy has been targeted with abuse by irate Spurs fans who can’t distinguish him from referee Chris Foy, The Marble Halls can exclusively reveal that Alt Country star Ryan Adams is scared to leave his home today following vicious attacks from Spurs supporters angry that hit song Summer of 69, which he neither wrote nor performed, might have hidden sexual connotations.
An irate Spurs fan commented: ‘I ain’t heard it but apparently it’s about an entire summer spent doing something called 69 which my mate Terry says is some kind of sexual thing. I ain’t done it.’
He continued: ‘People are saying he ain’t even the geezer that done the song. I don’t care. I’ve got kids. What am I supposed to tell them when they hear it? I don’t even know what a 69 is. It’s embarrassing.’
Shocking. In Arsenal news Arsene Wenger has been titillating the transfer hungry fanbase with talk of potential January signings:
We lose players like Chamakh and Gervinho to the Africa Cup of Nations so hopefully, touch wood, we do not get any injuries to our strikers.
But if an opportunity turns up in that department then we will buy.
Economically the whole environment has changed and people suffer more. The clubs will suffer more financially and it’s much more difficult.
Maybe we will have some opportunities because we are in a good financial situation.
We talk a lot about how well run we are financially compared to certain other clubs and with the FFP rules looming on the horizon and the general economic malaise it does seem that certain clubs are being forced to take their balance sheets a bit more seriously but is that likely to result in clubs being forced to sell off their best players for cheap this January? Arsene clearly hopes so.
Certainly you look at Manchester City’s situation, losing close to £200 million last year, the bulk of which comes from paying extortionate salaries to players that may not even play at the club, you would expect them to have to start selling to try to meet the FFP. A player like Carlos Tevez is likely to be sold for less than his market value as the club will be desperate to get him off the wage bill. Perhaps Wenger might consider a cheeky bid. We could do a lot worse.
No doubt his salary would be the biggest stumbling block but as the economic conditions start to bite there are fewer and fewer clubs who could afford such a massive wage. Players may start to have to consider taking pay cuts. Seems unlikely I know but great to hear that the boss would definitely consider reinforcements if the right player came along. If we really can get a superstar for a bargain price all the better.
Sorry, we have to interrupt this blog there with news coming in that the Spurs fans have moved away from Ryan Adams’ house and are now targeting the Bonio dog biscuit factory in Hull, apparently angry at pompous, short arsed, whiny voiced rock stars trying to save the world. We can go live now to Terry who’s on the scene: ‘Yeah, we’re just sick of him ain’t we? Always popping up telling us to feed the hungry and that. You know, people here are saying ‘We’re just trying to make dog food, please leave us alone’ but they said that when we went to the Cesar factory so we all went home but it turned out he was some sort of dictator like Saddam whatsit and he ended up getting assassinated by some bloke called Brutus who I think is that geezer from the Popeye cartoons.’
Back to the Arsenal and The Sun seems to think that we’re due to have our defensive worries eased with Kieran Gibbs ready to return for the Boxing Day clash with Wolves. They reckon he’s back in full training and was hoping to play against City this Sunday. Good news if true.
The Metro meanwhile suggests that one option for strengthening there in January could be 26 year old Nigerian left back Taye Taiwo who’s currently failing to get in the AC Milan starting XI and is apparently frustrated about his lack of chances. I know very little about the player personally but this sounds like a case of a paper desperately trying to join the dots on a couple of unconnected stories.
A bit of further reading this morning as Arsene talks about the importance of diet in the career of the modern day footballer.
That’s it from me for today but don’t forget you can subscribe to the Marble Halls with that little envelopey style icon in the top right corner and even follow me on Twitter if you’re that way inclined.
Have to run. News just in that Roque Santa Cruz is having rocks thrown at his windows by Spurs fans who’ve heard that he’s made a list of which of them have been naughty and which have been nice and that he won’t be bringing the naughty ones any presents this year. They are fuming.
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